8.29.23 at 10:00am: Depression -
Motion sickness: There are times when the ground is pulled out from beneath your feet. The crack in my chest pulls me in deeper, and when I close my eyes at night I'm overcome with a sense of vertigo. I loathe myself from the inside. I deserve to die.
I don't want to die; I want to vanish from the memory of everyone who knows me. I want to observe those around me like a ghost, pardoned from this lifetime. Looking for an excuse to shed my weight and regress deeper into the shell of a person that you might think I could be. But these things come in waves. It always comes back to the simple fact: I didn't ask to be alive.
No one can teach you how to move through this life.