start it all again.. another trip to the bathroom, my friend
there are so many things i'll have to leave in the 19th year of my life

but laying in your bed, listening to you breathe,
i felt so strange but it was such a quiet peace
that descended upon my hollow shell of a body

and suddenly the first of the year was the last thing on my mind



don't get lost in the sweetness, it's a relapse...


it's a relapse


and it took me so long to even call it that:

it's a relapse



i look up and meet your eyes, somehow i don’t believe it
but don't think for a second, don’t think that i don’t see you licking razor blades

i wonder if you know me like you did back then, yea maybe this mess
is the one thing we still have in common, but then again,
i know that it consumes you like it eats me too, and
did you wanna save me in the way that I tried to save you?

you called me in the morning, i lied through my teeth
but you wanted to know when this is over
it'll never be over..it's funny how things change

you just get fucked up, embarrass yourself
I can see the shame in your cold bloodshot eyes
i wish it was different for you here, but i know that you're just trying to survive

nowadays, you're always so cold
it's coming back, you go to sleep wearing your clothes
I can't believe you're still alive


now it's coming back to me, I feel dirty from the smoke
i want you to hold me till I choke
and now that I’m remembering all the words I shouldn't have spoke
and neither of us could say a word in the moments before you slammed the door

when the sun starts to rise, you know you’re defeated, you curse at the tired sky
& all the people who fill the streets in suits and cars, because they remind you
that the binge became a bend,or the money

or the things that you said
when you thought that the night would never end
things you thought I'd forget

but the way you speak your sympathies, just know those words mean nothing to me...

i checked again today...
your letter never came

would you change what you'd say
if you knew that your words would be lost along the way?

in the meantime i perceive a destructive, thrashing rage
that just gets pent up inside, it's like a bull trapped in a cage
i read your cards, i wept for ours
and the child screams:
"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"


simmer / come in
we go deep underwater
deep down / to the geyser
where the boiling hot water
will scald and sear my skin

but what boils up inside you,
Is it remnants of an addict's past?

a mother's grief, or guilt, or pain
and walking home, slow, in the rain
i realized that i have a fear that no one
who i hold so dear will love me
listen to me
until i push them away

every time i race to a dissappointment
i think you're gonna change, but it hits me just like the first time

it was embarrassing when the door fell shut
and i needed you to come and save me from the lock

knock, knock, knock....

why are you there?

sometimes you're just happy to see each other and you leave it at that
but right now i'm feeling sorry and tired and sad

I can't wait for your birthday, so I can show you what I found
putting all your love inside a box and bury it in the ground for later

not today, but it's still there